My son never seems to stop amazing me. From the first laugh to learning to count to learning to sing songs, each new event truly humbles me. I am inspired by how a child grows and develops. I find each step to be fascinating. My husband and I act as though no child has ever done this before. Part of this is certainly because our son is our first child. But what I am realizing more and more each day is that part of what is so beautiful about this process is watching him become an individual with his own thoughts and personality. Each child we have will surely be unique and fascinating.
Because of the beauty of watching our son grow and develop, we have taken on the role of active participant in his life. We try to be present with him throughout the day. Through this we are able to observe, support, teach and admire this little man. We are by mo means perfect in this process; it is ever evolving. However, our son is happy and smart and loved.
One of the other choices we have made is to choose gentle discipline and no-cry methods with our son. We still stay with our son each night until he is ready for us to leave or until he is asleep. We try and say yes more than we say no. We set boundaries to protect him without stifling his ability to make his own choices and mistakes. Because of it, our house is more peaceful even as our son heads towards three years old. He increasingly wants to do things himself. He gets frustrated when his hands are not skilled enough. However, we are able to mitigate some of that frustration by showing him what to do and saying, "Watch mama,"and then allowing him to try again. Sometimes he asks over and over again to watch mama. Other times it looks as if he were born with the newly acquired skill. We also acknowledge his frustration and try to transform it into positive energy. We turn it into a joke or something silly. Sometimes being held, or, in extreme cases, nursing him are the only comfort we can provide. However, I cannot bring myself to let him cry while leaving him alone. I know that when I am frustrated and upset, the first thing I do is seek out a listening ear or a caring shoulder. My son is learning independence at his own rate. Fortunately, that is what works for our family.
Finding joy and/or wonder in even the bad moments is what gets us through. Even now that we are expecting our newest member of the family any day now, we try and focus on the positive. Some days are harder to give our son all the attention he needs or wants. Sometimes we can tell because his frustration level is clearly elevated. We have tried to continue to make changes that give us the space to do what we need while still giving him the comfort he needs. Some days that means we don't do dishes or pickup so we can read a couple extra books or play play doh before bedtime. Some days it means we order pizza instead of having a home cooked meal. Some days everyone is frustrated at the end of the day. We try to forgive ourselves for the bad days and comfort each other in the frustration. It is an ever evolving process but it works for us. And he is only little once. And more than that, we will only be a family of three for such a short time more, we are trying to cherish these days together.
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