Saturday, December 28, 2013

Magical Home Water Birth

I am so sorry that it has been over two weeks since I last posted.  Two weeks ago today, I had a beautiful, healthy baby boy at home in a birthing tub in my bedroom at 8:42 pm.  The birth was everything I could have hoped for and more.  Here's my wonderful birth story.

Saturday morning, I woke up and felt different.  It might have been the lack of sleep or the fact that I slept the last few hours on the floor since my bed was full of my husband and my todler.  I woke up to my husband asking me if I wanted to move my 9 am prenatal massage to 12 noon.  OF COURSE!  More sleep was good.  I went to the bathroom and climbed back into bed for a few more hours.

When I woke up, things still felt a little different but I wasn't sure what.  None of the signs that I was going into labor that happened with my older son, H, happened this time.  So I grabbed some food, changed and headed off to the massage appointment.  When I arrived at the office, I asked the masseuse to feel free to press all of my pressure points as I was 39 weeks and 5 days pregnant and thought things might go forward.  My wonderful masseuse obliged and caused some minor contractions that started stopped when she pressed the acupressure points. 

At the end of the appointment, I stood up to a small gush of fluid.  At the time I didn't think much of it.  I figured it could have been anything and it was such a small amount. I headed home to grab some more lunch and hopefully take a nap.  As I got out of the car, I had some more gushes.  Hmmmm... could this be my water breaking as a small trickle instead of one big gush?  I wasn't sure.  I had lunch, called my doula and confirmed that it was likely what was happening.  However, since I wasn't having contractions, I decided to help my son take a nap and take one myself.  We also called my mom to warn her she would likely need to come over sometime soon today.

I slept from about 2pm until 3:30pm when I was awoken by some rather uncomfortable cramping.  At first I figured it was something other than labor because the discomfort was entirely in my pelvis and not across my entire uterus.  After 3 or 4 of these pains, I got my husband and told him I thought something was up.  I also called my mother to ask her to come on over.  I then called my doula to ask her if these were contractions. She said they probably were contractions and that they might be slightly abnormal and asked me to time the contractions.  It was around 4:15pm.  I timed the contractions and sure enough they were 8 minutes apart for at least 1 minute long.  My husband, B, called the doula back and filled her in.  By the time we called, the contractions had reached 6 minutes apart and it was round 5:30pm.  My sweet doula had to leave her holiday part to come to my birth but never once made me feel bad.  She was excited to welcome our baby to this earth. We all agreed it was time to call the midwife and the birth assistant.

We called the on call service for the midwife and got a call back around 6pm or so.  At this point I was uncomfortable and couldn't find a good position to relieve the discomfort.  I climbed into the shower and found almost instant relief.  Unfortunately, the midwife and the birth assistant wanted to talk with me so out I came.  We chatted for a while and decided it was time to make the bed and set up the birth tub. The midwife suggested getting in the tub as soon as possible as it would likely relieve the discomfort.  Unfortunately, I was afraid of getting in the tub too early so we hadn't set everything up early enough.  It took a while to get things going and then we ran out of hot water (partly from my long shower and partly because it is a big tub and we have a small hot water heater). 

At around 6:30pm my doula showed up and started assisting me.  She gave me some suggestions on positions to try including polar bear, leaning over the birth ball, leaning over the bed, and doing hip circles on the birth ball.  Each provided some relief but not enough.  I kept looking longingly at that birth tub.  When my midwife and birth assistant showed up at 7pm and 7:3pm my contractions were about 4 minutes apart for a minute each.  B ran around the house getting everyone comfortable, turning up the hot water heater, setting up water to boil for the tub and heating up chicken soup for me to eat in case I was hungry.  The midwife asked if I would be up for a dilation check.  I was uncomfortable and still feeling most of the discomfort in my pelvis so I didn't want a check.  She never asked again the entire night. 

At this point, I began to feel like I needed B by my side.  I asked them to make sure he came up and stopped whatever he was doing.  I needed him!  I also begged to get in the tub even though there was only about a foot of water. B changed into his bathing suit and climbed into the tub with me.  He sat in the tub and I leaned back onto his shoulder with most of my body just barely submerged in the water.  I felt instant relief.  My birth team lit my candles, turned down the lights and were quite for the rest of the birth.  It was approximately 7:15pm. I closed my eyes and focused on relaxing.  I breathed deeply and tried to relax my entire body.  My doula used a cup to pour water over my stomach.  She constantly comforted me with words and gentle touch.  Other than my doula and my husband, I wasn't aware of anyone in the room other than the occasional poplar check my the baby's heart rate and a crunch of an apple.  I held my husband's hand... or rather he held mine.  I didn't even grip him but just rested my hand his his.  I needed to know he had me even though I was leaning on him.  Through each contractions I quietly vocalized in as low a register as I could.  I tried to be as quiet as possible as I was hoping to be as peaceful as possible.  However, the vocalizations helped me focus through the contractions and almost felt more like singing than moaning.

Soon, the birth team brought me boiling water for the tub and turned on the hot water.  My belly was finally submerged.  It was lovely but then I got too hot.  The change from hot to cold water was too distracting, I finally asked them to just turn off the water even if there wasn't much in the tub.  I set back to relaxing.  At some point soon after, I felt I needed a change of position.  I turned on my left side with my head still on B's shoulder.  My doula continued to pour water over my shoulder and constantly supported me.  I was in transition.  The contractions were on top of each other and double peaking.  My vocalizations became more intense and sometimes included buzzing of my lips to try and help with relaxing my face and focusing on the contractions.  I also sometimes would repeat things like "Open"and "Baby" or "Come on baby"to help me visualize the birth process.  Throughout this, time seemed to stand still or slow down or speed up.  It was an alternate time I'd never really experienced.  I kept my eyes shut for almost the entire time.

After what was only a handful of contractions in transition, I felt things changing.  I had some idea that pushing was coming very soon.  I did what I thought was J breathing to help bring the baby down. This was for just a few contractions.

And then I experienced the most powerful sensation I have ever felt in my life.  The intense urge to push was completely overpowering and at first completely terrifying.  My body took over and would not let me control what was happening.  I began to say things like "I can't do this" over and over and even tried closing my legs.  It was so intense.  I was on my back and couldn't get comfortable or focused.  Without consciously making a decision, I turned onto my knees and draped my arms over B's shoulders.  In my head, I repeated over and over "Surrender" and trying to remember to breath.  It was extremely powerful.  During those last 3 or 4 pushes, I vocalized extremely loudly and from a primal place that I have never been before and couldn't access consciously again.  It was a place of power and out of being and magic.  Within those 3 or 4 pushes, my baby was born in the water. With a little help, I turned over and received my baby.  I checked and it was a boy!  Little C was here!  The birth team called my mother and son, H, to the room.  H took off his clothes and climbed into the tub to meet his new brother.  We were a family and we all were able to experience the magic.  It was 8:42 pm.  My entire labor was about 5 hours and 15 minutes.  Transition and pushing were each about 15 minutes.  It was a wonderful birth.

As I climbed out of the tub to birth the placenta and be checked, I was able to keep C with me for over an hour.  I couldn't believe I had just succeeded in having the birth I wanted.  I felt strong, awestruck, and humbled at the same time.  My family had grown and so had my heart.  It was a truly transformational experience.  I was and am so thankful for being given the space to have the birth I wanted.  I wouldn't have changed one moment of the birth. 

I hope that each of you are able to have a birth that you want and need.  Whatever that birth looks like, it should be exactly what you want and need.  Thanks again to my doula, midwife, birth assistant and husband for making this experience so beautiful. 

Friday, December 13, 2013

Accepting Help From Others

Let's be honest, no one can have it all or do it all without a lot of help from others.  From the time we are born until the time we leave this earth, we are constantly giving and receiving help.  It is what helps create strong relationships.  We have family, friends, coworkers, neighbors, congregants, and even strangers all in a constant string of sharing and helping. 

When we give help to others, we feel good that we have done a good deed for the day.  We feel as though we have made a difference in that person's life even for a few moments of the day.  Think about even the smallest gesture that makes all the difference.  It could be as simple as be holding the door open for another person behind you to giving your newspaper to someone else to read after you've finished. Sometimes you don't even realize how much of an impact a simple gesture can make.

And then there are the times when you need help the most.  Strangely, those are the times that are sometimes hardest to accept help.  You may be frustrated that you cannot do for yourself or embarrassed that things have gotten so out of hand that you feel lost.  These are the days that we need to be able to accept a generous offer from a friend, family member, coworker, neighbor or even stranger. 

At 9 months pregnant and on limited bed rest, this is something I've had to become comfortable with rather quickly.  I have good days and bad days where I feel completely lost and helpless since I cannot do the simplest task like lifting my 33 lb son up to wash his hands in the bathroom to doing a load of laundry from start to finish.  I am so fortunate to have friends and family who have jumped in and offered to help.  From the endless loads of laundry and dishes to the simple task of pulling the bones out of chicken soup, these tasks have allowed me to relax and rest at a time when my body needed it most.

I hope that in the near future I will have the ability to do the same for those who have helped me the most and for those who weren't able to help.  I hope that I will be able to pay it forward to whoever is in need of help at a time when I am most able to provide assistance.

The wonderful thing about giving is that it doesn't need to cost a penny to be valued.  Most days, I'd much prefer someone come over an play with my son for 2 hours while I sleep to anything they could buy me.

This sentiment rings true during the holiday season (both the Jewish holidays and others).  As much as everyone may love to receive gifts during the holidays, it is the time and effort given to those you love and those you don't even know that give the holidays meaning and value.  During this holiday season, consider giving your time, energy, or money to those who need help.  You will feel good that you've given to those in need and you will make that person's day that much brighter.

Thursday, December 12, 2013

Practice Labor Can Be So Frustrating

As of today, I am 39 weeks and 2 days pregnant.  In the past two and a half weeks, I have had many, many, MANY nights of practice labor.  I call it practice labor and not just Braxton Hicks contractions because they are more intense than the normal BH I've been feeling for months.  In addition, the contractions have been regular in timing and spacing and have even had times when they progressed closer and closer together.  They always come on in the evening when I should be sleeping.  This is not surprising since oxytocin is higher at night naturally.  They eventually go away and I'm able to grab a couple hours of sleep here and there.

With my first pregnancy, I had Braxton Hicks for months and months before I went into labor.  However, I never had anything regular or strong before I actually went into labor.  I was able to get sleep most nights and wake up rested.  I was surprised when I finally went into labor as I almost felt like I had no warning.

This pregnancy, I have many nights of these practice labors.  They are good because they are getting my body ready for my birthing day.  In addition, it helps with dilation and effacement of my cervix.  It has also given me lots of time to practice breathing and relaxations techniques from my class. These are really a good thing.

My main frustration is the emotional havoc it seems to be playing on me emotionally.  I'm already so ready to have this baby.  From the hours a day I think about it as I sit in my living room/bathtub/bed during bed rest to the dreams I have throughout the night.  Then, I get into 2 or 4 or 6 or more hours of these contractions, I start think maybe I'll get to meet my baby tonight.  Some nights I've chosen to try and stop the contractions.  Some nights I've hoped and prayed that they were real. Yet each night, the contractions have stopped and I've woken up still pregnant dreaming of meeting my baby.  I feel overwhelmed by the emotional roller coaster that I am riding.

However, I am now only 5 days from my due date.  I will not stay pregnant forever.  No matter what, I will be able to meet my baby and very soon.  In comparison to the 39 weeks and 2 days I've been pregnant, I only have a very short amount of time to wait to meet this baby.  The longer the baby stays in my belly, the healthier it will be.  It gives me days to rest and prepare and nights to dream of the little fingers and toes currently tickling my tummy.  Soon I will miss those flutters and kicks.  It is a challenge for me to stay that positive but I am working on it.  I am trying to honor my disappointment and recognize that it is normal.  I am fortunate to have a group of women in my birth team and friends and family who continue to remind me that everything is as it should be.  The baby will arrive when it is ready.  Until then, I cuddle my son and husband and embrace my belly as the baby moves within.  Soon, we will all get to be a family together.

Wednesday, December 11, 2013

Surviving and Even Enjoying Bed Rest

I am currently 39 weeks and 1 day pregnant with our little one.  At 37 weeks, I was placed on limited bed rest due to borderline high blood pressure.  Or really elevated blood pressure.  My numbers weren't terrible and were mostly normal resting but life as a litigation paralegal, even in the government, with a two year old (almost three) at home was starting to take a toll on my body.  I couldn't seem to relax with all the things that needed to be done. 

In addition, when you are pregnant with your second baby, it seems people don't think you need as much help.  I hate to say, but second pregnancies (and probably third and fourth and... ) are much harder than first pregnancies.  The big reasons are 1) you don't have a child at home to take care of all the time; 2) you can take naps whenever you need to take one and 3) you can stay at work late to make up the hours from the extra naps or sleeping in or whatever.  When you have a child at home, life must continue pretty close to normal.  You still have to get up when your child awakes to help them use the potty or get clothes on or feed them breakfast and get them to daycare or preschool.  You still have to go to work except now, you can't stay late as often or take as many naps because you've got a child you have to pick up at preschool or daycare before they start charging you a million dollars a minute for being late. And now, you have a mess making machine running around your house pulling out toys and snacks and whatever they can find.  I am supremely fortunate to have one of the most supportive husbands in the world.  He has taken on a huge share of these responsibilities.  Nevertheless, he cannot do it all and has his own needs and extracurricular activities that he has obligations to meet.  I feel constantly torn between resting and cleaning, caring, working, playing, etc. 

For months, I tried to work out arrangements with office to try and accommodate my needs as my pregnancy progressed.  However, I am a unioned, government employee who had only been at my agency a very short time (less than 1 year). There was little that could be done to accommodate my needs.  After months and months of doing the best I could, my body said enough!  My blood pressure went up and would only go down again when resting on my side.  So, if my agency couldn't help me then my midwives would insist on limited bed rest.

Thank goodness it is only limited bed rest.  My blood pressure responds well to rest and I am fortunate that I am still allowed to putter around the house and play with my son.  Believe it or not, there are some medical downsides to strict bed rest, which I won't go into.  Nevertheless,I've had to tone it WAY down and add naps and baths and resting.  As I write this, I think, "this doesn't sound so bad.  Why did you cry and cry when you found out you were being put on bed rest?"  Well, it was a hard pill to swallow.  Up until 37 weeks, I had one of the simplest pregnancies on the books.  All of my numbers were textbook and the baby was developing perfectly.  My main problem was fatigue.  I was able to mostly keep up with all the needs in my household and work.  So, when I was told to basically stop everything, I felt a bit lost.  I also felt like I had all of the sudden ruined my pregnancy.  I know it sounds dramatic but it was very hard for me to process.  It took me a few days to realize that this bed rest was a good thing and it took me about a week to begin to enjoy it.

Now, I had to come to the realization that my body was tired from everything I was doing while trying to grow a healthy baby.  Since I was not able to handle everything at the very end of my pregnancy, my body was telling me that it MUST have more rest and time to prepare for the arrival of our child.  I am fortunate to have an amazing group of midwives and birth workers who help me take this time to myself.  A simple letter from my midwives and I was able to get the time and space I needed to prepare of birth.  Instead of seeing it as a failing, I needed to see it as a gift and embrace it.

Once I was able to see what a gift I was given, I was able to begin to think of what I could do. I had already prepared for the baby by getting my birth supplies, stocking my fridge and doing the normal things like washing clothes and diapers and getting the essentials from storage. Now I could do all of the things that I never have time to do.  Here are a few:

1)Epsom Salt Bath   This is amazing because it reduces swelling and is used to treat high blood pressure.  In addition, it helps with digestion and helps you sleep.  Finally, it is used to treat preterm labor so it can help ease excessive practice labor if you are having trouble sleeping.  I add lavender essential oils because it is calming.  I feel amazing after these baths and my blood pressure is always down. 

2)Read a Fun Book Other than birth books, I almost never had time to read books during my pregnancy or really since my son began to walk and talk.  At 36 weeks, I had already promised my birth assistant that I would put away all the birth books.  Now, I had time to enjoy them.  I pulled out two fun murder mysteries and now I'm reading The Dovekeepers based on the recommendation of my mother-in-law.

3)Knitting Projects I haven't knitted something since I got pregnant my first time.  Since being put on bed rest, I've knitted one pair of baby legwarmers to use instead of pants for my winter baby.  I'm working on my second project now.  There is something so soothing about the clicking of the needles and the repetitive motion of knitting.

4)Relaxation Techniques I finally have time to practice more of my relaxations techniques I learned in my Bradley and Hypnobirthing classes.  This is helpful in preparation for birth and for reducing my blood pressure.

5) Small Tasks Around The House  Since I am still so used to being active all day long, I sometimes cannot help but do a load of laundry or run a load of dishes.  But, interestingly, I usually only need to do a small amount to reduce the stress of the chaos that has become my home. I've learned to accept (a little more) the amount of mess that builds up when one parent is unable to chip in.  I've also gotten better about asking for help from friends and family.  But it is very nice to still feel useful.  So, I fold laundry after my husband helps take it out of the dryer and bring it to me.  And I bake muffins from the last two brown bananas if that will make me happy.  And then I lay down and take a nap.

I hope that all of you who end up on bed rest are able to come to terms with the new way of life.  Luckily, it is only temporary and at the end, we will have a beautiful baby.  My hope is that everyone is able to embrace the space that is given to us.  It may be the last time we get this kind of rest for a while.  Now, I'm off to rest some more.  Please let me know how you made your bed rest enjoyable. 

Sunday, December 8, 2013

Prepping for Baby - Part 2 - Stocking Freezer

As I mentioned in Part 1 of prepping for baby yesterday, the two things I needed most to do to feel calm for the baby's arrival was to compile my birth supplies and stock our freezer with easy meals to prepare once the baby arrives.  Part 1 covered the birth supplies and this will cover some of the things we prepared to stock our freezer.

First off, if you do not have a slow cooker, I highly recommend you splurge on a good one.  My meat slow cooker is awesome and my dairy slow cooker is decent (small and less technical).  It is amazing for plan ahead meals. I don't have strong recommendations but I'd love anyone who does to share in the comments below.

Second, I highly recommend a meal planning party.  I wrote to all my friends and family who had offered to help get ready for the baby and asked them to come over and help me with all the chopping and bagging of the meals.  We were able to make 2 sets of 6 recipes (each serving 4-6 meals) in less than 3 hours. Many mom groups have these parties where they will either all chip in and take home meals for the freezer or they will rotate houses each month and fill a different family's freezer each month.  You definitely do not need to be pregnant to take advantage of this idea.

We also have been doubling easily frozen meals as we prepare them to eat now and freezing half.  We do this with bone broth, oatmeal, Challah bread pudding, veggie or meat chili, chicken soup, beef stew, to name a few.  We also have been canning applesauce, peaches, strawberry jam, peach butter (savory and sweet), and pumpkin butter.  We have soaked and dehydrated a wide variety of nuts.  Some we keep in the pantry in canning jars and the others we freeze for longer storage.

So, what resources did we use to fill our freezer?  I'm glad you asked.  Here are some of my favorites.

Breakfast:

1) Baked Oatmeal Recipe - This is one of my favorite breakfasts and it so nourishing.

2) Regular Oatmeal - We make our oatmeal by the gallon and we make it from scratch.  For every 1 cup of oats we use, we add two cups of whole milk (low temperature pasteurized, non-homoginized - we get ours from Trickling Springs).  We also add lots of raisins and sometimes cinnamon, vanilla, honey and/or real maple syrup.  We bring the oats, milk and raisins to a boil and then cook on simmer for at least 20 minutes until the desired consistence.  We freeze the extras and store what we will eat in the week in canning jars in our refrigerator.

3) Challah French Toast Pudding - We make french toast a lot with our leftover Challah.  If we have extra Challah, we will occasionally make it in the oven.  I usually use 1 egg to every slice of challah and a good dash of whole milk with vanilla and cinnamon to taste.  I will beat these together and add cubed pieces of challah to soak for 15-20 minutes.  Then I will put them all in a buttered casserole dish and bake at 350 degrees Fahrenheit for at least 30 minutes or until the knife comes out clean.  The time ranges based on the amount being made, the amount of milk and how stale the challah was before soaking. 

4) Egg, Cheese, Veggie and Potato Casserole - I don't have a specific recipe for this one.  I tend to throw whatever I have in the fridge and pantry into a big bowl, add eggs and throw in a greased pan and bake until solid and bubbly.  It freezes well and is delicious! Google has a ton of recipes if you run a search or two.

5) Muffins, Banana Bread, etc.  - Almost all of these baked goods freeze well.  It is easy to freeze half a batch each time you make them. Or double the recipe and freeze half that way. 

Lunch/Dinner:

1) Bone Broth - We take the carcase from 1-2 small chickens and place in our slow cooker or stock pot with a good splash of apple cider vinegar or wine, peppercorns and a bay leaf or two.  We add enough water to fill the pot and bring to a slow boil and then turn it to simmer overnight or up to 24 hours.  This can be the base for soups and sauces and are an excellent way to cook grains as the gelatin in the broth helps our bodies break down the grains during digestion.  This freezes well once strained.  You can also skim the fat and either save it for cooking or toss it or just leave it on the broth.  We usually just leave it.

2) Chilli - We make so many different kinds of chilli and freeze them.  Vegetarian, Bean, Meat, White Chilli, Chicken Chili, Pumpkin Chilli.

3) Chicken Soup - The recipe I mentioned in Part 1 above is great and freezes very well.

4) Several Recipes from From Your Freezer To Your Family: Slow Cooker Freezer Recipes.  A few of these recipes are not Kosher but most of them are.  They are non-dairy so all of the meals that have Kosher meats listed are easily made.  This is how we selected the meals for our freezer party we had a few weeks ago anticipation of the baby arriving. We are excited to try the Polynesian Chicken, Chicken Curry, and Stephanie's Goulash to name a few.

5) Other Freezer meals including these.  Not all of these are Kosher but can often be made with a few substitutions.  We also made vegetarian meals like lasagna, baked zitti with veggie sausage, macaroni and cheese, lentil curry, to name a few.

6) I highly recommend this class available through Village Green Network. It has tons of tips for preparing meals ahead and preparing meals that are healthy and easy.

Desserts:

1) Homemade Popsicles.  This summer we took all kinds of combinations of fruits and juice and homemade yogurt and made popsicles in these awesome bags. They can be reused or recycled once you're finished.

2) Brownie and Pumpkin Cake both freeze well.

3) Lactation Cookies or other yummy cookies.

Basically, almost any meal can be made ahead.  These meals are far more nutritious than most meals you can pick up at the grocery store.  They can be customized to what makes your family happy. 

Does anyone else have recipes they love to make and freeze?  Has anyone had a bad experience?


Saturday, December 7, 2013

Joy and Wonder of Parenting

My son never seems to stop amazing me. From the first laugh to learning to count to learning to sing songs, each new event truly humbles me. I am inspired by how a child grows and develops. I find each step to be fascinating. My husband and I act as though no child has ever done this before. Part of this is certainly because our son is our first child. But what I am realizing more and more each day is that part of what is so beautiful about this process is watching him become an individual with his own thoughts and personality. Each child we have will surely be unique and fascinating.

Because of the beauty of watching our son grow and develop, we have taken on the role of active participant in his life. We try to be present with him throughout the day. Through this we are able to observe, support, teach and admire this little man. We are by mo means perfect in this process; it is ever evolving. However, our son is happy and smart and loved.

One of the other choices we have made is to choose gentle discipline and no-cry methods with our son. We still stay with our son each night until he is ready for us to leave or until he is asleep. We try and say yes more than we say no. We set boundaries to protect him without stifling his ability to make his own choices and mistakes. Because of it, our house is more peaceful even as our son heads towards three years old. He increasingly wants to do things himself. He gets frustrated when his hands are not skilled enough. However, we are able to mitigate some of that frustration by showing him what to do and saying, "Watch mama,"and then allowing him to try again. Sometimes he asks over and over again to watch mama. Other times it looks as if he were born with the newly acquired skill. We also acknowledge his frustration and try to transform it into positive energy. We turn it into a joke or something silly. Sometimes being held, or, in extreme cases, nursing him are the only comfort we can provide. However, I cannot bring myself to let him cry while leaving him alone. I know that when I am frustrated and upset, the first thing I do is seek out a listening ear or a caring shoulder. My son is learning independence at his own rate. Fortunately, that is what works for our family.

Finding joy and/or wonder in even the bad moments is what gets us through.  Even now that we are expecting our newest member of the family any day now, we try and focus on the positive.  Some days are harder to give our son all the attention he needs or wants.  Sometimes we can tell because his frustration level is clearly elevated.  We have tried to continue to make changes that give us the space to do what we need while still giving him the comfort he needs.  Some days that means we don't do dishes or pickup so we can read a couple extra books or play play doh before bedtime.  Some days it means we order pizza instead of having a home cooked meal.  Some days everyone is frustrated at the end of the day.  We try to forgive ourselves for the bad days and comfort each other in the frustration.  It is an ever evolving process but it works for us.  And he is only little once.  And more than that, we will only be a family of three for such a short time more, we are trying to cherish these days together.


Prepping for Baby - Part 1 - Birth Supplies

In preparation for a baby, so many first time moms spend tons and tons of energy preparing the nursery and making sure all the supplies are purchased.  I did this with my son too as I was sure it was the only way we would be "ready." In retrospect, many of the things we purchased didn't get used for months and months and some things were never used.  However, at the time, it gave me a sense of calm that I greatly needed as a first time mom.

This time around, there were two big things that were important for me to prepare for this baby's arrival.  First, we needed to have all of our supplies ready for our home birth.  The second thing that I needed to do for sanity was to stock our freezer with prepared meals for once the baby comes. This is particularly helpful right now as I am on light bed rest. I will write

The birth supply list was provided to us by our midwife.  We added a couple key items including:

1) Magnesium Oil -  This is great to assist with pain relief during labor.  We also use it since my blood pressure has been slightly elevated.  Magnesium is a successful treatment for elevated blood pressure. I also take it when I'm having trouble sleeping with Braxton Hicks contractions as it can lessen them enough to sleep through the contractions.

2) Topricin - This is a wonderful homeopathic cream recommended to me by my chiropractor.  It is safe to use during pregnancy.  I have used it for pelvis and hip pain since earl in my pregnancy and it works great for carpel tunnel syndrome and plantar faciaitis that can be common problems during pregnancy. 

3) Lavender Essential Oils - This is helpful for relaxation during labor.  I have been using the lavender throughout my relaxation practice sessions to help me associate the scent with a relaxed state of being.

4) Honey Sticks - This is a fabulous source of energy during labor.  It is in easy packets that won't make mess during labor.

5) Hot/Cold Heat Pack - This can be used hot or cold to relieve discomfort during labor and postpartum.  This one has a heavenly scent of lavender and camomile.

6) Raspberry Leaf Tea - This helps tone the uterus and can be taken throughout pregnancy.  I've taken it since my second trimester and increased it in my third.  It can be used during labor and with a little honey, it can be a wonderful way to keep hydrated.

7)  New Mama Bottom Spray - this is great for postpartum to ease the discomforts in the nether regions that get a lot of stretching and pulling during birth.  I've also used this a little prenatally to ease some earlier discomforts.

8)  After Ease Tincture - This is also for postpartum and should help reduce the postpartum labor pains that tend to get stronger with each pregnancy and birth.  I was able to use Tylenol and Advil with my son but I have heard amazing things about this tincture.

9) Homemade Chicken Soup - We made about a gallon of home made chicken soup that we have been gradually eating.  It freezes well and is incredibly nourishing.  It is also high in gelatin which is so good for you.  Our recipe is VERY easy.  We take a very large stock put and place two whole chickens (about 2 lbs each) into the pot sideways.  We fill it with at least onions, celery and carrots and we add as much as we want to fill the pot.  I think there can never be too many vegetables.  We also add whole peppercorns and a couple bay leaves. We then fill the pot as close to the top as we can to allow for initial boiling.  We put the pot on the stove and bring it to a light boil and turn it down to a low simmer for at least 4 hours or as long as overnight.  Don't let it boil that entire time or the soup will be very cloudy and the gelatin will break down.  Once the soup has cooled, pull out the bones (which will mostly fall out of the chicken) and the skin as well, if you wish.  I leave the chicken fat on the soup because we use grass fed pastured chickens and it is full of vitamins A and D. You can skim if you prefer.  We store in canning jars or in the freezer in freezer bags.

10) Nuts and Dried Fruit - These are great sources of energy during labor and postpartum.  We use organic nuts that we soak and dehydrate.  My personal favorite are almonds and cashews.  They are very high in good fats, vitamins and minerals.  We also have a mixture of dried fruit and some dark chocolate covered fruit and nuts as well. Also, we have yummy rolled dates with coconut which is also very good for labor and high in amazing minerals.

11) Coconut Water Powder and Fruit Juice - This is also wonderful hydration and much better for you than any commercial sports drinks on the market.  We usually mix half water, half juice with a tablespoon of the powder.  It is extremely helpful during early pregnancy during morning sickness periods.  This has excellent sources of minerals including magnesium and potassium. Sea Salt also works well if you don't have the coconut water powder.

12) We also have our Rebozo that we will be using prenatally, during labor and birth and postpartum.  My doula, midwives and birth assistant all have been trained to use the Rebozo to assist in labor and birth.   Here's a great e-book that can help if you cannot find a way to learn Rebozo from a class or doula. Also, check out the Spinning Babies website for additional descriptions of use of a Rebozo. I can't wait to experience this magic.

13) Birth Ball - We are using a birth ball to assist us during prenatal practice, labor and maybe birth.  This helps balance the pelvis when seated on the ball.  Hip circles on the ball feel amazing and can strengthen the core and help reduce discomfort in the hips before the baby comes.  They can also be done during labor to help the baby move down and work with contractions.  Also, pelvic tilts on the birth ball are sometimes more comfortable than on all fours.  Some people find this helpful during actual delivery as well.  I like to do my birth affirmations while swaying or leaning on the birth ball to encourage good positioning of the baby and provide some physical relaxation to the body while on the ball.

14) AquaDoula Tub - We rented our tub from our birth assistant.  It is huge and will allow my husband and I to get into the tub during labor and birth.  There are many benefits to water birth and I won't go into them here.  However, the main reason we chose this is that it is very helpful in reducing discomfort during labor and birth and reduce the risk of tearing during pushing and birth.

15) iPod Mini - I have my birth affirmations and relaxation techniques saved on the ipod.  It can clip to my sports bra even in the tub and allow me to go to my own peaceful place during labor and birth.  We may add other music later but for now, that's all we have on it.

16) Birth Empowerment Space- This is something I learned from the Sacred Pregnancy movement.  Mine includes my belly cast, a birth painting I painted, birth affirmations, lots of candles, my flower crown and birthing necklace from my blessingway.  It is a physical reminder of the support I have with me physically and spirituallly for birth.

17) Jewish Books - I have two books of prayers to read during labor and right after birth.  This was very powerful for me with my first birth.   I also have some chants that my friend provided me.

I hope you find this helpful.  Do you think I'm missing anything?  Let me know what you think in the comments below!

Friday, December 6, 2013

Intentions for My Home Birth - December 2013

After my first birth to my son, I had a lot of healing to do.  When this baby is born, my son will be two years and ten months old.  It probably took me 2 years and 8 months to get in a good mindset for this birth. I struggled with so many people telling me that I had a healthy baby so why does it matter what my birth was like. As I mentioned previously, the two main things that happened with my first birth is I felt that my voice and my power were taken away for me. I spent a long time finding a way to empowerment. Here is what I did.

I started inadvertently by watching the Business of Being Born.  This documentary made me realize that I was right to feel like I had been manipulated and even bullied at my birth.  I actually had to pause the movie a couple of times to get out the emotions I was feeling.

After that, I began listening to parenting radio shows like Progressive Parenting.  I also started reading a lot of natural parenting blogs like Mama Natural and The Mommypotamus. I also started following Mayim Bialik on Kveller.com.  Through these different websites I learned about Attachment Parenting International and many other resources about natural birth and natural parenting.  A lot of the information that touched me specifically is that each parent will parent differently.  The most important thing to do is to follow your instincts and do what makes your heart feel light.  Parenting is a very challenging job and one that will be with you for the rest of your life.  It is ever changing and evolving as you change and your child changes.  Flexibility and intuition are key to succeeding as best as one can in parenting.  The other most important things if forgiveness.  The ability to forgive yourself specifically is key to being successful and happy in parenting. I will struggle with this forever but I hope to keep the intentional choice to forgive myself, my husband and my children for all of our imperfections and mistakes.

As my husband and I got closer to discussing expanding our family, we had a lot of conversations about changing our lives to suit an expanding family.  I chose to apply for a government position as a paralegal and leave the high stress world of private practice behind.  We also began to learn a lot about minimalism and simplifying our lives to live intentionally.  This continues to be something we work on and progress at a slower pace that we would hope.  Someday soon I will write more about this.

Finally, we began to talk about OB/GYN or Midwife practices that would be a better match for our desire for a natural birth.  We did a lot of research in the DC area and chose to go with a midwife practice since they have the strongest commitment to natural childbirth, at least in the NoVA area.  We found two practices we were most interested in deciding beween: a hospital based practice and a home-birth/birth center based practice.  After attending information sessions and having a lot of heart to heart talks, we decided to go with a home-birth practice that actually used to be my GYN practice before my insurance changed.  The reasons we went with this is because I wanted a birth that was as far from the hospital birth I had with my son as possible.  I also did not want to have to drive anywhere while in labor unless there was a medical reason to move.  I wanted to be among my things in the comfort of my own home.  I also wanted to stay in my bed after birth and not have to deal with all the hospital staff constantly coming in and out of my postpartum room after the baby arrived.

With that decision made, we were fortunate to get pregnant after our first try.  We were definitely not expecting that and thank G-d for it each day.  We focused on eating a healthier diet this pregnancy compared to my previous pregnancy.  We also focused on incorporating more natural support for the pregnancy to avoid morning sickness and other problems.  We used magnesium oil and epsom salts to help with morning sickness along with Vitamin B6.  I had nausea but was sick significantly less this time around.  The only times I got sick were due to my own stupidity in waiting too long to have breakfast.  We also drank lots of pregnancy tea and red raspberry leaf tea to support my uterine health.  We switched to food based prenatal vitamins and added probiotics, Vitamin K2 and Fermented Cod Live Oil as supplements to my diet.

As we started moving towards education for this pregnancy, we decided to attend three (yes 3) prenatal classes to help us prepare.   The first was a Rebozo Workshop with the amazing Gena Kirby.  Please check out her e-book and information about using a rebozo during childbirth.  We learned so much in that one day class and I made some amazing friends that I continue to be close to now.  The rebozo is a comforting tool that the husband and doula can use during labor to provide relief and comfort throughout labor, delivery and after birth to carry your baby.

Next we chose to take both Hypnobirthing and Bradley Method classes. The Bradley class was 12 weeks and focused on everything you would need to know for pregnancy, birth, postpartum, breastfeeding and even some childcare once the baby arrives. It was by far the most comprehensive class I've ever taken and I really wish I had taken it with my first pregnancy.  The information about nutrition, relaxation, pain relief techniques and labor and birth positions.  Simultaneously we took at 5 week Hypnobirthing class.  This was also very helpful for me (although less for my husband).  It focused on relaxation techniques and daily affirmations which help with the mental part of labor and birth.  The class also re-frames the way we talk about labor and birth and removes the fear words from the experience.  Also, one of my favorite parts of the class was the fear release which allowed you to acknowledge your fears for your pregnancy, birth and parenting and then release them from your mind.  This helped me tremendously and I would highly recommend hiring a Hypnobirth instructor to do at the very least a fear release if you cannot take the full class.  The class was mostly attended by second time mothers and seemed to take the teachings of Bradley a step farther for helping with labor and delivery.  I also want to say that the breathing techniques and birthing positions at Hypnobirthing made the most sense to me and are what I intend to do.  I wish the class had been longer because it is hard to focus on continuing the practice of the relaxation techniques outside of class.

I also wrote into Progressive Parenting and asked the lovely Ms. Gena Kirby to do a special show about traumatic birth and healing.  You can hear excerpts from my letter and the entirety of the show here.  This helped me so much because it allowed me to hear my story out load and learn that there are many other people out there who have experienced this.  It allowed me to grieve and move on.

I continued to read lots of books about natural child birth, birth empowerment, and labor support.  Some of my favorites were Childbirth Without Fear, Birthing from Within, Sacred Pregnancy, Mother Rising, The Thinking Woman's Guide To A Better Birth, The Birth Book by Dr. Sears in addition to the Hypnobirthing and Bradley Method books.  I did not read all of these all the way through.  Although I had full intentions to do so, parenting my son and sleep stayed my priority throughout.  I also read The Jewish Pregnancy Book and The Jewish Baby Book.  I continued to join endless Facebook pages and follow many blog posts about birthing, doulas, breastfeeding and attachment parenting.  These gave me a lot of the tools and language to express what I wanted in this birth and help frame a vision for my ideal birth.

I also hired an amazing doula for this birth that I met at my Rebozo workshop.  We clicked right away and she has been a great help.  Even though I've been through labor and birth once, she has helped me acknowledge my concerns and also acknowledged and supported my intense desire to learn and change my next experience into my ideal birth. 

With the help of my doula, child birth educators and midwives, I have also constructed a wonderful birth plan that is far more inclusive than the one I prepared for my son.  In addition, it stays positive and spends time focused on what I want and not what I don't want.  It sets my intentions for the birth while acknowledging that birth is unexpected and things can change.  It provided details for home birth, hospital transfer by choice and hospital transfer in an emergency.  That way, all of my bases are covered and my desires are known and on paper.  My doula, midwives and husband all are very familiar with my birth plan and will take care of making sure it goes to plan.

Some of the specific things I listed in my birth plan to help me out were to remove numbers from my labor and delivery.  I do not want to know what time it is, how long I've been in labor, how long my contractions are, how far apart they are, how dilated or effaced I am, or any other numeric value that could give me any indication of how far along I am or how I am progressing.  Those things were used against me in my first pregnancy and are a source of great stress.  Also, none of these are really good indications of when you will give birth or how long your labor will be.  Instead we are going to focus on the emotional signposts and by how I look and feel throughout.  It will allow me to lead the birth team through my birth based on my needs and desires and not on some arbitrary number.  I have also asked to have no vaginal exams unless there is a really good medical reason as they are also very poor estimators of labor and delivery. I am also having a birthing tub in my own bedroom, with lots of candles, dark lights, my own music, no monitoring other than the doplar to check the baby's heart rate, and wearing my own clothes that I picked out with my own smells and sounds of my house.  My son will be close by with my mother to allow him to be with me as much as he or I feel is necessary.  G-d willing, he will witness the actual birth or be present shortly thereafter to meet his new sibling.

We also held a blessingway this time around instead of a baby shower.  The blessingway experience meant a lot to me and was extremely powerful.  It helped me create a circle of friends and family that will be supporting me throughout the remainder of my pregnancy, labor, birth and transitioning to a mother of two children.  We talked about my previous birth, my intentions for this birth, my fears, my joys and excitement, and much more.  We lit candles, adorned a cast of my pregnant breasts and belly with flowers and pearls.  We had henna tattoos placed on our bodies (mine was of a Hamsah and a Tree of Life) and pampered each other and eat good food.  We created a necklace made of beads contributed by the attendees to be worn during labor and birth.  This physical reminder will help me keep them present with me during labor and birth even if they are physically elsewhere.  We participated in a web of support with a red string that all of the attendants have agreed to wear until my birth.  They brought food to fill my freezer so we would have sustenance when the baby arrived.  They took the candles home with them to light when they find out I'm in labor so we will all be connected again.  I felt uplifted and empowered by the women in my life and know that they will be with me in birth and forever.

We also lined up postpartum support by hiring a lactation consultant to come and visit us at home just after the baby is born and follow up with an in office visit shortly thereafter.  We also have placenta encapsulation lined up to assist me with postpartum blues, any postpartum bleeding and producing more breast milk.  We also have belly binding kit available so my doula can come and help my body physically recuperate after birth.  I am also working on getting as much time off after the baby arrives as possible to heal and bond with the newest member of the family. 

Now, we wait until the baby comes.  I am so looking forward to this amazing experience.  I have done all I can to shape it into an experience that my husband and I will love.  I cannot wait to meet our newest little one.  We have our prayers ready to say as soon as he/she is born.  Waiting is always a challenge but it has given me time and space to write these posts and share with you my experiences.  I hope someone reads them and finds them helpful.

Thursday, December 5, 2013

My First Birth Experience - Hosptial Birth Feb. 2011

My first child, a son, was born February 2011 at a hospital in Northern Virginia 8 minutes into his due date after 30 hours of labor.  Part of the reason I want to share this is to continue the healing process of this fairly traumatic birth.  I also want to share with you what I have learned since this birth about the ways I went wrong.  In addition, this will lead up to another post about my plans for my upcoming birth which will be a home water birth in my bedroom. So here's my story:

The first week in May, 2010, I had a rough week.  My husband was going on a week trip to a conference and I was a mess.  On top of that, my work at a law firm had been extremely busy and stressful.  Law firms can be a challenge since the pace is fast and the personalities are varied and strong. I started the morning in tears and begged my husband not to go.  That should have been the first flag that something was up.  I actually called my psychologist to set up an appointment because I thought I wasn't coping very well.  Needless to say, Saturday evening before I picked up my husband for the airport, I took a pregnancy test and all was explained!  We were expecting our first child. My husband found out we were expecting while standing in front of the baggage carousel at the airport.

The pregnancy was fairly easy and went on well.  I had to switch from my midwife practice due to insurance changes so I switched to an OB practice recommended by a number of my friends at the synagogue.  The practice was a typical OB practice with one midwife in the practice.  Each appointment followed the same way: sign in, wait for a while, get weighed, urine test, blood pressure, wait some more, spend less than 10 minutes with whoever showed up and head home.   Switching to a practice without more research was my first mistake.  I didn't do enough research about the practice and didn't know enough about what I wanted for my care.  It was my first pregnancy and I didn't know any better.

Half way through my pregnancy, my OB suggested I look into taking a prenatal course but encouraged me not to take Bradley as "it is very crunchy."  Instead, she recommended that I take the 1 day (6 hour) course offered in their lobby of their office on a weekend morning.  I agreed and promptly signed up.  This was another big mistake.  A one day course cannot begin to prepare you for pregnancy, labor and birth.  Not only that, it was provided by the hospital and really focused on teaching you to be a good patient instead of how to give birth. Just to give you an idea, we spent less than 10 minutes on breathing techniques.  On top of that, the techniques they taught were old Lamaze techniques that they no longer teach or advocate.  Even with the endless books I read, it is not the same as attending a class that provides you with the ability to ask questions and practice all kinds of techniques.

Fast forward a couple weeks when I submit my birth plan.  It was a simple 1 page document that basically said I wanted a natural birth.  I said I would consider interventions but only after they became medically necessary.  I also said that I did not want to be asked about pain relief until I asked for it. The only midwife in the practice took the paper, read it, and then encouraged me to be willing to get an epidural since it was my first pregnancy.  That should have been a huge red flag.  The MIDWIFE just pushed me to have an epidural before I was even in labor!

Fast forward to 39 weeks.  I am already partially dilated (2 cm) and feeling really good.  Friday, I decided to go on maternity leave 1 day early since it seemed silly to go back on Monday when my due date was Tuesday. Sunday morning, I woke up and had some show.  I planned to go forward with my day as I knew this could mean anything.  I went to brunch with two girl friends.  I brought them home to see my nursery and talk things over.  They left just after noon and we continued with our to do list for the day.  By 3 pm, my contractions started to become much stronger and by 6pm they became even more strong and regular.  It was kickoff of the Superbowl. I continued to fold laundry, eat dinner and count contractions.  At some point, I could no longer focus on the game and decided to try and sleep.  We turned on a movie and tried to rest.  Sometime around 11 pm, my contractions were 3-4 minutes apart and I was getting nervous.  I called the OB on call and left a message.  After almost an hour and no return call, we decided it was time to head to the hospital.  I figured that if I wasn't ready, they would send me home.

The drive to the hospital was long and hard 20 minutes. When we arrived at the hospital just after midnight.  They checked me and said I was in labor and had only progressed to 3 cm.  They admitted me and told me to take showers, walk the halls and get as much sleep as I wanted.  My first mistake of the night was that I didn't just head home.  I was not in active labor at 3cm and should have at least just walked through the halls for a few hours before they checked me into Labor and Delivery. I loved my first nurse because she listened to me and let me do what I needed to do.  She let me sleep and told me she would only come in to do the necessary tests and if I needed her. She gave me space and offered helpful suggestions for me.

At 7 AM, my new nurse took over.  Oh man!  She was horrible.  She wasn't in my room for more than 15 minutes before she began asking me when I wanted my epidural and trying to convince me that I should have one.  No matter how many ways I told her I wasn't interested, she kept pushing.  My husband even sent me on a walk by myself and asked her to stop asking me about an epidural.  Instead of listening to either of us, she proceeded to go into even more detail on why I needed an epidural when I returned from my walk. After being at the hospital 7 hours, I'd only progressed 1 cm (to 4 cm).  Other than one or two times I was allowed to go for walks, I was encouraged to sit in a chair or lay down in bed because all of the other movements were messing with my fetal monitor.  This was exceptionally frustrating since the most comfortable position to labor in was leaning over the bed, birth ball or my husband's shoulders. In retrospect, I should have asked for another nurse.  Until this pregnancy, I didn't know that was an option.  She clearly had her opinion about how much labor and birth should be and didn't care to hear what I wanted.  I also desperately wished that I had found the extra money to hire a doula. I'm sure she would have prevented me from going to the hospital so early and would have helped me get what I wanted as far as laboring positions and support.

By 4 PM, I was still at 4 cm dilated and the doctor and nurses started to talk about "failure to progress." This is another point where I wish I had just packed up my bags and headed home to return once I progressed further.  However, I didn't know that was an option.  I believed the doctors and nurses were there to support me in having the birth I wanted. After a lot of research and helpful birth classes I took before and during this pregnancy, I realized that this is not usually the case.

Anyway, the doctor came in and basically pushed very hard for pitocin and an epidural.  I asked to go for a walk and think about it.  As we walked the halls, I bumped into the midwife in this practice. She told me that my body needed rest and to get the epidural.  She said I may progress on my own once I could sleep.  At this point, I had lost confidence in my decisions.  If the midwife was telling me I needed an epidural, I must need one.  I headed back to my hospital bed and consented to an epidural.  I cried from the moment I consented until 30 minutes after I received the epidural.  I did not want this!  When the epidural kicked in, it was so strong I couldn't feel anything.  I couldn't move at all.  After an hour, my contractions did not change (7 minutes apart the entire time I was at the hospital).  They decided to put me on pitocin.  Again, completely deflated, I consented.  After a few minutes, the pitocin on a low drip didn't seem to do anything.  They turned it up all the way.  After about an hour, the contractions weren't registering, they realized that the fetal monitor I was hooked up to for over 24 hours didn't work.

By 7PM, I had progressed to 7 cm but I was still at -3 station.  The doctor assumed I didn't want my water broken (which was one of the only things I didn't care if they did).  When she finally asked, I said that I didn't mind if they broke my water.  They broke my water (clear and healthy).  Then, they left me alone.  The only great thing that happened was that a new anesthesiologist came in and said my epidural was too high and turned it down a lot so I could at least move my legs on my own a little bit. I finally took a short nap but woke up with a fever.  They told me that if the fever progressed that I would have to be on antibiotics even though it was a known side effect of being on pitocin and epidurals.  I was encouraged to eat ice chips instead of drinking water.  I eat a couple pieces of hard candy and chocolate because I hadn't eaten in over 24 hours.  I tried to watch TV but I was out of it.  Finally around 10:30 pm, I felt like something was happening but I couldn't describe it.  I asked my husband to find me a nurse.  A nurse came in and left.  Around 11 pm, I asked my husband to find a nurse quickly because something was happening. When the doctor finally came in, she asked if anyone had checked me.  After I said no, she said that the baby was at +4 station and that I should have already been pushing for a while.

They set up the mirror so I could see what I was doing.  Meanwhile, they set up the room for birth in a hurry.  The nurse, who I never got introduced to, started telling me to hold my breath when I pushed.  It felt weird and I hated it.  Sometimes I would forget and she would scold me.  I pushed for 40 minutes.  As the baby's head came out, I had secondary (almost tertiary) tears. Even through the crazy epidural, that hurt terribly.  They told me to stop pushing because the baby had a cord around his neck.  The doctor decided to cut the baby's cord while he was still in me.  UGH!  So much for delayed cord clamping.  I finally birthed my baby at 12:08 am on his due date.  They placed him on my belly and eventually told me we had a boy.  In that moment, it no longer mattered that I had a traumatic experience.  I had my baby boy.  They wisked him away to clean, weigh, poke and prod him.  They returned him to me so we could try to nurse.  We said a couple of blessings together over our new baby boy.

The next few days may have been more traumatic than the birth.  We struggled with breastfeeding due to an undiagnosed posterior tongue tie.  In addition, people come into your room every few minutes to check me, then the baby, bring food, empty the trash, make sure I got my food, empty the bathroom trash, do some test, try and get photographs, etc.  I couldn't sleep, the baby wasn't getting enough milk, the lactation consultants were so hard to contact.  It was miserable.  I was so glad to get home.  It took us weeks to get everything squared away.

Now, this birth probably doesn't sound that unusual or even traumatic to most people.  And as most people said to me: "You had a healthy baby boy, what does it matter.""You didn't have a C-section so you should be happy." The problem was that I wanted my child to birthed naturally and peacefully.  I wanted people to hear what I wanted and needed and honor what I wanted.  Many of the interventions I had were not necessary.  Neither me nor the baby were in any distress.  I never asked to have an epidural because I was in too much pain.  I was pressured because they thought I'd be happier.  Also, it would limit my movement and make it easier to care for me in some ways.  It turns out I was one of (if not the only) mom to have a vaginal birth at my hospital that night. I felt like all of my power was taken from me and more than that, I felt like I had no voice.  Birth is all about being empowered and present in the experience.  I wanted to feel and experience this birth on my own terms to the best of my ability.  That was taken away from me for no medical reason.  I was not given enough knowledge to know better and I was new to the experience. (I would like to say that everyone has the right to the birth that they want.  If someone wants an epidural, all the power to them.  However, I think everyone has the right to have the birth they want as long as it doesn't put themselves or their baby at risk.)

Because of this birth experience, I became hyper vigilant about everything but especially about our struggles with breastfeeding.  I researched everything insistently and spent hundreds of dollars (if not thousands) on lactation consultants and support supplies.  We were successful eventually but not after a large amount of stress and loss of precious time enjoying my son's infancy.

Months, if not over a year, later, I began to research about birth, natural birth, midwifery and birth support.  I learned a lot and began to realize how horrible my experience really was.  On top of that, I learned how much of my experience was not necessary and could have been easily avoided.

The next most frustrating point was that there was tons of articles out there about how broken our maternity care system is in the United States.  They talk endlessly about the problems caused by our birth system and how horrible it can be for mothers and their babies.  However, there are almost no resources out there for moms who were unfortunate enough to be caught in the broken system and to be traumatized by their birth.  It is still an area that needs a lot of growth but there is information out there.

In my next post, I will talk about some of the wonderful resources I found to assist in healing from my birth experience.  In addition, I will talk about all of the wonderful things I did to make this birth and pregnancy a beautiful experience.  I hope that my birth will also be healing. 

Who is the Buxom Balabusta?

Hey Everyone!  Welcome to my blog!! I am so excited to share with you all of the exciting things I do with my family in my home to live a conscious Jewish life.  We strive to live consciously in that we try and make each choice we do throughout the day to be one with meaning and thought.  For example, we keep a kosher home.  We do this partly because it is halacha.  But we also do this because it is something that makes us conscious of our Jewish life each time we sit down to have a meal.  We also try and focus on selecting organic, locally-grown, fresh foods for most of our food choices.  Of course, Kosher meat in Northern Virginia can be a challenge.  We have found a couple stores that sell organic Kosher meat (sometimes even grass-fed or free-range/pastured) and there are great resources online.  We also have found that making a lot of our food from scratch has been hugely helpful when keeping Kosher while simultaneously saving us a lot of time and money. These choices are done to support local organic farmers.  It is also to promote a healthier lifestyle for us and teaches our children where food comes from.  We also try and select products for our home that are good for us and good for the environment.  This is always a work in progress and we are certainly not perfect.  It takes some trial and error and finding what things work for us. 

A little more specifics about me. I am currently a working mom of a 2.5 year old son and married to a wonderful man.  We live in the Northern Virginia area and are conservative Jews.  I converted to Judaism 6 years ago (today! on the last day of Hanukkah).  I married my husband a little less than a year later and welcomed our first son just shy of 3 years after that.  I am currently 38 weeks and 2 days pregnant with our next child (is it a girl? is it a boy? we shall see!).  We live in a small two bedroom condo and are a one car family.  We live a life full of so many wonderful things that we hope to share with you through this blog.

Why did I choose the name Buxom Balabusta?  Well, my lovely Aunt Sandy came over one year for Sukkot just after I was married and told me that I was a real balabusta.  Being that my grasp of Yiddish is very little, she had to explain to me what a Balabusta was. She explained to me that she is the homemaker who is able to do just about everything.  She cooks, she cleans, she raises the children and keeps the household running smoothly.  In our day in age, she often does this wile keeping a full time job and commitments to the community at large.  I was beyond flattered. Over the years, I have longed to start a blog and I knew I wanted the title to have Balabusta in it.  I chose buxom as the adjective because it describes both my physique but also a playfulness that I hope I will convey to you all as we get to know each other.


Over the next few days and weeks, I imagine a good many of my blog posts will be about my pregnancy, birth and children.  However, my hope is that this blog will focus on much more than this.  I hope to talk about living a Jewish life, raising Jewish children, and learning along with them as I did not have a Jewish childhood.  I also hope to share with you some of our favorite recipes, cooking techniques, meal planning, etc.  I also want to share with you tips on minimalism in living more with less.  And I'd love to share with you some of the ways we have lowered our toxic load in our home and lifestyle.  I hope that we will be able to foster a community through my blogs.  I'd love suggestions and questions so please feel free to contact me in the comments or by email at buxombalabusta (at) gmail (dot) com.

I look forward to getting to know you all!