As of today, I am 39 weeks and 2 days pregnant. In the past two and a half weeks, I have had many, many, MANY nights of practice labor. I call it practice labor and not just Braxton Hicks contractions because they are more intense than the normal BH I've been feeling for months. In addition, the contractions have been regular in timing and spacing and have even had times when they progressed closer and closer together. They always come on in the evening when I should be sleeping. This is not surprising since oxytocin is higher at night naturally. They eventually go away and I'm able to grab a couple hours of sleep here and there.
With my first pregnancy, I had Braxton Hicks for months and months before I went into labor. However, I never had anything regular or strong before I actually went into labor. I was able to get sleep most nights and wake up rested. I was surprised when I finally went into labor as I almost felt like I had no warning.
This pregnancy, I have many nights of these practice labors. They are good because they are getting my body ready for my birthing day. In addition, it helps with dilation and effacement of my cervix. It has also given me lots of time to practice breathing and relaxations techniques from my class. These are really a good thing.
My main frustration is the emotional havoc it seems to be playing on me emotionally. I'm already so ready to have this baby. From the hours a day I think about it as I sit in my living room/bathtub/bed during bed rest to the dreams I have throughout the night. Then, I get into 2 or 4 or 6 or more hours of these contractions, I start think maybe I'll get to meet my baby tonight. Some nights I've chosen to try and stop the contractions. Some nights I've hoped and prayed that they were real. Yet each night, the contractions have stopped and I've woken up still pregnant dreaming of meeting my baby. I feel overwhelmed by the emotional roller coaster that I am riding.
However, I am now only 5 days from my due date. I will not stay pregnant forever. No matter what, I will be able to meet my baby and very soon. In comparison to the 39 weeks and 2 days I've been pregnant, I only have a very short amount of time to wait to meet this baby. The longer the baby stays in my belly, the healthier it will be. It gives me days to rest and prepare and nights to dream of the little fingers and toes currently tickling my tummy. Soon I will miss those flutters and kicks. It is a challenge for me to stay that positive but I am working on it. I am trying to honor my disappointment and recognize that it is normal. I am fortunate to have a group of women in my birth team and friends and family who continue to remind me that everything is as it should be. The baby will arrive when it is ready. Until then, I cuddle my son and husband and embrace my belly as the baby moves within. Soon, we will all get to be a family together.
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